Asking For A Divorce
October 1, 2011
Fear and trepidation filled my soul as I drove closer to my house.
It was still my house, though I didn't live there anymore. Just my wife. Each time I visit, I feel more like a guest.
But this day I would be asking her for a divorce. I figured she'd feel as if I had hit her with a ton of bricks. I felt nervous the closer I got to the house.
As if, I hadn't already hit her seven months ago when I told her I wanted to be on my own. At that time, she had nearly collasped. I could see her legs being taken out from under her. She begged me to stay, she cried, she tugged my arms. It really killed me to say that to her.
So to make her feel better, I told her that I wouldn't seek a divorce. I just wanted to be on my own.
But in the seven months since then, I realize that living the rest of life away from her, but still married to her, was only going to create problems for me and her. Instead of letting that fester for years and years, I chose to drive to her house, and ask for a divorce.
When I said, "I've decided I want a divorce", I expected her to buckle. But she didn't. She seemed calm and collected.
"Funny" she said. "I had actually been looking for an attorney".
By this time, she's become very skeptical of me. She's learned to hate me now. I think she's still in love with me, but also hates me to the core.
I made a list of concessions. She gets full title to the house. She retains her half of the company, and she retains her salary. I'll help her refinance the house. Etc., etc. That's only if she agrees to get a divorce through a paralegal, which I would pay for.
But I also made a second list of concessions, which I would make if she demanded we hire attorneys and drag this out through a court hearing. I would keep my half of the house, but she keeps the house payments. I want half the profits from the sale of the house. Etc., etc.
I showed her both lists, and told her that if she agreed to go through the cheaper, faster, paralegal route, she would get a lot more of the things she wanted. But if she wanted to fight this out through court, I would fight her as well.
But what she really wanted most of all is financial security. She wants to know that she retains per position in our company, and keeps her salary and health insurance. She wanted to retain her half ownership of the company, and still be entitled to half of the profits.
"Of course" I said. "I'll make sure you're taken care of."
And I really mean that. All I want is freedom.
And she was gracious to let me have my freedom the easy way out.

